Dating a codependent
However, the fact remains that girls and women who display codependent traits are very attractive to abusers and selfish people: they are like honey to a bear.
If you are a woman who is codependent, you can possibly lessen your chances of being targeted by a user or an abuser by becoming more assertive.
These days, if my sister starts screaming at me over the phone, I slam the phone down on her.
They may say they want out -- but they end up staying.I would never defend myself with my sister or do anything to halt the abuse.If my sister yelled at me in person, I would sit quietly as she screamed vulgarities and put downs at me. I was enabling my sister to continue in her treatment of me.Pointing this fact out is not “victim blaming.” It is helpful and empowering.
I myself practice what I am preaching on this page – now that I am recovering from codependency, I can almost always recognize when I am being used or abused.
For years, I wondered what was wrong with me that I kept attracting mean, selfish, or insensitive people, and when I finally found out it was that I was raised by my mother to think and behave in a codependent fashion, and the books explained how to get over being codependent (which would in turn make me less attractive to the majority of awful or abusive people), I felt tremendously freed and relieved.